Torrent

I shake my rain stick at the sky

and strike down upon the earth

a steady beat

a round to mete

a tune beaut

pounding out such

loud sound yet still - 

an unending din fills my ears

No water falls from the clouds

to quench the thirst yearning

deep in my bowel and I see no storm forecast

Turning my head to whisper a quip

a passing thought I hope you like

not quite of import, but I hope that,

talking, yes, will fill the looming silence

and realize I'm alone

Turning on the spot your movements

pour as flowing water unfiltered unhindered

the dance mesmerizes

my mind and soon both,

in time, match the pacing

rhythm and rhyme

of your soul in motion -

the radiance blinds my eyes

I lose your sight and my heart stops

but no healing rain drops

from heaven upon this barren land

Bereft of sense and left

grasping in dark at fleeting shadow

I feel your touch and all is calm -

my heart soon faults

with syncope

embracing you

I fall asleep

looking toward

what dreams may come.

Collected Poems #1

Radiant though prostrate
lying before the
fall
into slumbering sleep
I stumble though
vivid memories of
beauteous joy linger while
silence stretches
through the night and blankets
the space between us

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I breathe a well-deserved sigh
end of day start of night -
sundown blurring my fading sight

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WE find, after study, the best
qualities oftener emerge
after repeated struggle; however

THE madmen, they continue
long past the sane
would quit and categorize as inane
such stringent sanctimony;

THOSE persons begot
of some-such rhetoric
ruminate upon their vile condition
and soon scapegoat a hanging pawn.

OF necessary course,
the wretched refuse endure
a conflicted sentiment, a willful hatred
married to their eternal soul.

O shall they burn
a crest of ash and blood
and forge the scar required
to so ensure a continued cycle -

WE now find, deliberating,
that soon all pawns will be depleted;
tomorrow, in what state of disarray
shall the empty board lay?

New Year's Resolve

My Resolution last year was a success.

Along with a friend, beginning the first week of January 2019 I returned to the gym for regular visits for the first time since high school sport practices.

During my working interlude between those days and the start of college, I remained healthy by spending 50+ hours a week on my feet, cooking and running my section on a hot line of a busy restaurant. Standing over a boiling pasta well and ten burners enjoying the heat; twisting and bending to plate at the window; darting and weaving through waitresses to reach the walk-in cooler. A ballet of stretching and squeezing and swerving through the rhythmic chaos - that plus minimum wage is enough to keep one lean. I let my exercise fall to a secondary concern these intervening years, but I found new motivation to continue the pilgrimages. I am pleased to look back on 12 months of consistent attendance, a 100% increase of weight settings, and 30% reduction in my mile time.

This year, I have stopped smoking.

It has been 3 days since my final cigarette - not a milestone, nor a fact to be lauded. In fact I should, and deserve, to be admonished for every one I inhaled. The stuffiness, the coughing, the shortness of breath - I am looking forward to only having those symptoms with a cold. I'm excited to think how much further I'll be able to go at the gym as well. But I've smoked for about 10 years, probably lost 10 years of life, and estimate over $5,000 to do it. That is sobering.

However, I won't entirely miss tobacco. The warm trickle of nicotine seeping down the spine, settling in the arms and legs to calm an anxious twitch - it will be hard to replace. I could never judge another person for continuing to use. I have the capacity to replace smoking now with other, more process-oriented means of calming myself, primarily meditation. But some crave the ashes, that step out of a hot kitchen into a cool night - a 5 minute escape from the brutish ballet.